Not Nothin'
by Kira1
Summary: Duo mourns over Heero leaving. Shameless angst and sap. Warnings: Shounen ai and a grouchy Wufei. Possible OOC-ness?


Maur: ^_^ Welcome, everyone, to another songfic!  
Sonja: O.O! Great Kami, no!  
Maur: *sweatdrop* ::Ignores Sonja-onni:: Yes, that's right! This time it's set to "Not Nothin'," by Stroke 9. *Cheesy smile* And now, the disclaimer. ::Looks at Sonja expectantly::  
Sonja: *blink...* Oh! Right! ::Presses a button::  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Maur: *sweatdrop* That's it? That's all we've got?! . Can't you make it any better, Sonja-onni?  
Sonja: ::Blinks a bit, then grins and presses another button::  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
  
Maur: *double sweatdrop* Well, I suppose that's better.  
Sonja: I especially like the exclamation point at the end.  
Maur: ::nods in agreement:: Yes. So, without further adieu...  
  
  
Not Nothin'  
a songfic by:  
Maur  
For:  
All the buttmunches that won't review her stories and drive her to write fluff like this!  
  
[ ] Indicates song lyrics.  
  
Example:  
[ Look at me look at me I'm a song lyric! ]  
  
Warnings:  
Shounen ai, angst-y goodness, maybe some OOC-ness.  
  
****  
  
[hello I'm sitting here]  
  
Duo sat at a hard wooden desk, his braid slung sloppily over his shoulder as he stuck out his tongue in concentration. He busily scribbled away at a torn piece of paper with a leaky pen, then paused a moment to tap the pen against his chin as he thought about something. Amusingly enough, he succeeded only in splattering ink on his face, then returned to writing furiously.  
  
[thinking and writing]  
  
Finally, Duo set down the pen and leaned back in his chair to look over his work. His brows drew together, his forehead wrinkling, as he read it out loud to himself.  
  
"Heero,  
  
Been a while, hasn't it, old buddy? Ever since that day, we haven't talked much. I know that you don't care much, because you did leave and all, but at least read this, 'cause I've got something to say that I didn't get a chance to before.  
  
I miss you, Heero."  
  
And he'd stopped there, for fear of what Heero might think when he saw it. He didn't want to sound stupid in front of him; although, it wouldn't really be in front of him. He'd never actually have to face him, because Heero had up and gone away to stay with Relena as her bodyguard or something, though Duo still didn't think he loved her. But then again, it didn't exactly seem like he loved Duo, either. He had, after all, left, although he never directed the blame at anybody. But still, Duo wasn't ever happy without Heero's presence, so he was writing a letter. A pretty bad one, at that...  
  
[writing and talking]  
  
But hell, who was he kidding? It wouldn't make any difference. Heero would throw the whole thing out the window without giving it a second glance. He didn't care about Duo any more, and he was gone.  
  
[without you]  
  
Duo sighed, ignoring the ache in his chest that refused to leave as he crumpled up what he'd been writing and tossed it carelessly into the trash bin. There were several other balls of paper in there with it, all similar letters to Heero that would never be delivered. They were all nothing.  
  
[situated in the corner of the corner  
so far from nothing]  
  
He stood, stretching out the cramps in his back that had formed while he'd been sitting and barely managed to stifle a kittenish yawn. It was early in the morning, and he could hear the others beginning to stir; 'the others' still being Quatre, Trowa and Wufei.  
  
Heero was the only one that had left the group.  
  
[suspecting not accepting  
that it's true]  
  
Duo crinkled his nose as he looked around at his messy room; there were random piles of laundry, puddles of water from his shower earlier, and trash strewn about the entire place. He settled for stepping over it all, careful not to touch his socked feet to any of the unclean areas, and somehow managed to pick a path to his door.  
  
[it really hits me when I'm  
walking into the market]  
  
A triumphant smile found its way to his lips as he stepped outside his door, looking across the hall to find a sleepy Quatre rubbing at his eyes. Duo grinned at him, patting him on the back as he slipped into his daily routine of false happiness.  
  
"Hey, Quatre! What's up, man?"  
  
Quatre mumbled some inaudible response as he began shuffling towards their kitchen, and Duo's smile fell out of place the second the blond was out of sight.   
  
[I hear things I used to say]  
  
He found it amazing how he kept the facade up all this time. He said the same things he'd said before Heero had left, but everything felt so different. It was all wrong. He should have gone after him, he knew it, but he was too goddamned cowardly.  
  
[is it wrong to be here anyway]  
  
- Flashback -  
  
[fade away]  
  
Duo stands, rising from the couch as Heero walks through their living room, a beige duffel bag in hand. He quickly strides across the room, stopping Heero by touching a hand to his shoulder. Heero glares at Duo and shrugs his hand away.  
  
"I'm leaving," he says flatly. Duo's eyes widen in surprise, and Heero quickly brushes past him and out the door. Duo watches sadly, but makes no move to stop him. He does nothing.  
  
[what was I thinking when I thought I could make you stay]  
  
//It wouldn't matter if I tried, anyway,// Duo thinks to himself as he slumps back down onto the couch dazedly. //I was right to let him go. He would have left, anyway. It ... wouldn't have mattered. I don't matter.//  
  
[what was I thinking when I thought I was right  
not nothin']  
  
- End Flashback -  
  
Duo sighed, sauntering over to that same couch in the living room, falling back onto it over the arm. Fixing his eyes on the cracks running along the ceiling, he comfortably folded his arms behind his head. He relaxed, closing his eyes and sinking down into the soft cushions. A weight thumped down next to him at one point, and he dismissed it as Quatre settling down with a cup of coffee or tea.  
  
[I'm on to something here]  
  
His suspicions proved correct as the blond beside him cleared his throat, striking up a conversation.  
  
"I see you were up early this morning."  
  
Duo nodded once. He could feel Quatre shifting around next to him.  
  
"What were you doing? I think my clock was still blinking single digits when I heard you get up," Quatre continued. Duo smirked, cracking open an eye to peer at his friend.  
  
"Yeah. I had some, uh, stuff to do," he mumbled, averting his eye away from Quatre. A silence hung over them for a few minutes, and when Duo looked back, Quatre had a single eyebrow arched.  
  
"Stuff?" he asked.  
  
Duo rolled his eyes, propping himself up to a semi-sitting position on his elbows.  
  
"Yes, stuff."  
  
Quatre raised his other brow questioningly.  
  
"What sort of stuff, Duo?"  
  
Duo moved uncomfortably. "Uhh, private stuff."  
  
Quatre sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Come on, Duo, you can tell me." He removed his hand from his face, offering a bright smile. "What could I possibly do?"  
  
[it's all becoming clear]  
  
Duo sighed in defeat, giving him a small smile of his own. "Nothing, I guess." He sat up completely, folding his now slightly shaking hands in his lap. "Well... I was, um, writing... Letters. Writing letters. To... um..." He met Quatre's eyes nervously. He didn't like telling people his secrets. "To Heero." But Quatre was someone he trusted.  
  
[clearly confusing  
less than amusing]  
  
Quatre's eyebrow raised considerably, but he masked any other form of surprise with a quick smile. "Ah. I see. Were you out mailing it earlier, then?"  
  
Duo smirked. "No. Taking out the trash."  
  
Quatre sipped at his coffee, hiding a laugh. "Well, that's just as good, because now I don't have to do it." He smiled at Duo again, then slowly eased off of the couch and into the kitchen, where Duo could see Trowa was sitting in a chair by their table. Quatre wordlessly sat down next to him, winning a smile from the tall brunette.  
  
Duo smiled softly at the two, shaking his head. They were great together, even though they weren't actually 'together' yet. But they would be. Duo knew it.  
  
He was just about to settle back down onto the couch when Wufei walked by, eyeing the American suspiciously.  
  
"Why aren't you eating breakfast? You're always the first one to the kitchen, Maxwell."  
  
Duo smirked, slinging his right arm over his eyes. "Yeah. I already ate."  
  
"Oh." Wufei sighed, shaking his head as he stalked into the kitchen. "Guess that explains it," he muttered, pouring himself a cup of coffee.  
  
[castrated like a corpse to a coroner  
so close to nothing]  
  
Duo grumbled something inaudibly to himself, rolling off the couch to a standing position. Now he was bored, and all of the others were busy eating breakfast. Still in socked feet, he opened the front door and walked out, gasping a little as a rush of freezing air hit him hard. His breath came out in little puffs, but the coldness felt good against his skin. He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his pants, closing his eyes once again.  
  
The air was like Heero. It was cold and painful, but he enjoyed it. He would never regret his love for Heero, no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how many times he stayed at home on a Saturday night because he couldn't get over a certain pair of prussian blue eyes. That was who he was. He welcomed pain with open arms.  
  
[forgetful not regretful  
of what I am]  
  
A few minutes after he started losing the feeling in his fingers and toes, Duo returned inside to find them all still eating. Rolling his eyes again, he decided to join them, grinning idiotically.  
  
[it really hits me when I'm...]  
  
"Hey, guys," he greeted them, pulling a chair away from the table and sitting on it backwards. "What's up?"  
  
[hanging with other monkeys]  
  
Wufei regarded him solemnly and sipped thoughtfully at his coffee, Quatre smiled again with a quiet "Nothing much," while Trowa just nodded at him. Duo blinked.  
  
"Hey, Wufei, you'd better share that coffee with them, 'cause I think they still need to wake up."  
  
Quatre chuckled quietly as Wufei glared at Duo.  
  
"They can get it themselves, Maxwell," he grumbled, drinking his beverage carefully. "I need to wake up, too."  
  
Duo laughed a little as he stood up, nearly knocking his chair over. "Yeah, I can see that. Yer kinda grouchy this morning, Wu-man." He smirked at him playfully. "Not that you aren't like that all the time."  
  
[thinking of shit to say]  
  
Duo laughed again as he left the room, and he thought he heard Wufei mumble something like "I am not grouchy, you idiot," while Quatre snickered. Duo's frown slipped back into place, replacing his smile, and he quietly made his way back to his room.  
  
On his dresser sat a picture of Heero, in a simple silver frame, and Duo found himself holding it gently as he seated himself on his bed. He stroked his thumb over the outline of Heero's strong face, frowning more deeply to himself.  
  
[is it wrong to be here anyway]  
  
He growled lightly to himself, finally throwing the picture down on his bed. He got up and stared at it, something between love and hate flickering in his eyes.  
  
"Look what you've done to me," he whispered, refusing to let loose the tears that stung his eyes. "Look what ... look what I've done to me..."  
  
And just as suddenly as he'd risen, he sank back onto his bed, looking down at his shaking hands.  
  
[I'm on to something here]  
  
"I should have gone after him," he mumbled, watching with slight amusement as his pale hands shook. "Should have. Didn't. But I should have."  
  
[it's something I'm on to]  
  
"And now he's not coming back. Not now, not ever." He looked over at the picture again. In his haste to push it away, he'd cracked the smooth glass that had kept the dust and imperfections away from the one picture of Heero he had. "And I'll never be able to see you again. Because I'm scared. I'm nothing."  
  
[but it's really nothing]  
  
****  
  
Sonja & Maur: *blink*  
Sonja: That sucked.  
Maur: ::nods::  
Sonja & Maur: ... ::suddenly grin::  
Maur: I smell a sequel!  
Sonja: Whoo-hoo!  
Gundam Boys: *groan* Oh no...  



End file.
